Unbelievably Hard Day

I thought I was prepared. I thought since I had planned for it I would handle it better. I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong. Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. We put Sophie to sleep. It sounds so peaceful but it's still ending her life. Even though I know she was in pain. Even though I know she had suffered a long time, it was still hard. I held her as she fell asleep in my arms. I hadn't been able to hold her like that for a long time because she wasn't comfortable. It was comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I didn't get to hold her as she received the final shot but I saw her take her last breath.

Having Peanut has been both a blessing and a curse in this situation. In one way I had to get control of my emotions and not let her see that I was so upset. And as I was able to go through the day because of this it made it that much harder when she kept asking for Sophie last night. She didn't want her to go on her trip, she wanted her to come home. She wanted to be with her. I hope as each day goes by she asks about her less and less. I love that she loved her as much as I did and I know she doesn't understand she's causing me pain, but it hurts so much.

To Sophie...you were a wonderful dog. You were my first baby. You were always there for me when I needed you. You will be forever loved and missed.